Titles! Norton (jade-turquoise, brown)! Premise of the competition! Consider Yourself! Shite choreography! Barrowman clapping along! Drink!
I am getting marginally bored of the formulaic nature of this show. [Maybe we need to make the recaps more interesting by picking a random format for the rest of the competition? I'm going to recap next week in Ye Olde Englishe. Perhaps. - Steve]
Oh, for fuck's sake, Norton is talking about YOUNG NANCIES and OLD NANCIES again. Fuck off! [Aye, fuck off Norton, if it was down to age not talent, you'd have left along with the white dot and national anthem - Louise] Barrowman looks weird. *cough*Botox-a-go-go*cough*.
Recap - Jodie had a really difficult song to sing (drink!), ALW didn't know who sang it originally, the cockhead, and he was mean about her dancing, which made her cry; Rachel was dead behind the eyes; Samantha had a fairly poor song to sing and sang it averagely; Jonny was the final Oliver through, and he and the rest of the mob sang S Club 7's Reach very badly; Jessie sang How Do I Live in pirate stylee, and she claims to want to show the judge that every inch of her is a Nancy, snarf; Niamh sang Don't Speak, and Barry pointed out that she's so tiny that the Olivers will dwarf her; reject Josephs came back to do a Dancing in the Streets routine with the ladies.
Norton talks to the girls. Niamh says they're all actresses (except Jessie, who cannot act, which is why she didn't get into drama school), and then snidely apologises to Barry for not being able to grow any taller. Jessie witters on about EIGHT SHOWS A WEEK.
Time to talk to the final eight Olivers. Roll VT! Gwion would love to be a Oliver. Chester is awesome and we love him, and he has his fingers crossed. Arthur is going to try his hardest. Kwayedza talks about the part he has been working for "for so long", which makes me laugh. Alexander is nonsensically posh. Harry thinks it would be amazing, Laurence would be proud of himself, Jonny is 13, and really excited about being picked, and loves Adele, who he thinks would make a good Nancy. Fair point. The final eight Olivers sing I Have A Dream, which is not one of Benny and Bjorn's best, and certainly not when being sung by urchins. However, the harmonies in this are much better than previous weeks. The reject Olivers are sitting with the Nancies and clapping and swaying along. Aw. Poor desperate Jordan leads a standing ovation at the end. Too late, kid! [Hee! He still has to push himself in front of those cameras... Louise]
Comedy mission, because Nancy is a "good-time gal". Phill Jupitus and playwright Nick Reed are the mission leaders. What? I mean, seriously, what? The girls have to get on the stage and tell a joke. Niamh says, "I'm not funny! We could have a problem here!" She flashes her knickers and runs away. [I loved that, but it would've been even better if she'd done an Ashlee Simpson-style hoedown off the stage. - Steve] Rachel fucks up the punchline of hers. Phill says that he liked all five of them before they got on stage. Next part of the mission is to perform a comic scene from the play Life-Coach with Phill, and unsurprisingly Jodie is amazing. Phill reckons her eyes changed, which either means she's brilliant or very sinister. Jessie is boring. [But looks lovely with her hair straightened. Credit where credit's due. - Steve] Rachel was "most realistic". Sam likens herself to Ricky Gervais. Niamh "went further than the words". In conclusion, Jodie was fantastic and Nick would work with her any time, and Niamh was a "real surprise". Phill summarises that "these are talented young women."
Holy fuck, they're going to sing I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair from South Pacific, and they are sitting in wash tubs. Jessie cannot EVEN DO A GENERIC AMERICAN ACCENT. Niamh is shouting too much. Jodie doesn't have shorts like the others, because obviously she is TOO FAT and is given capri pants instead. Barry says Jessie stood out for him [Am I imagining it, or does he pick Jessie every week? - Steve], Denise says Samantha was the star of the number, and John is Team Jodie. ALW says he wished they really were going to wash their hair, which indicates he has some bizarre shampoo fetish, but says he thinks Jodie carried it [which she did because she usually does and if I were Jodie I'd have beaten ALW round the head with that body brush for his Meat Loaf comment - Louise].
Who do the Nancies think should be next to go? Niamh says Jessie; Jessie says Niamh; Jodie says Niamh; Rachel says Samantha; Samantha says Rachel and HER COLD DEAD EYES. [The apparent fact that Rachel and Sam hate each other is endlessly amusing to me. - Steve] Who do the panel should be next to go? John says Jessie, Denise says Niamh, Barry says Niamh. I really love the Barrowman sometimes.
Results! Samantha could still be Nancy. Jodie could still be Nancy. TEAM JODIE! She bursts into tears and cries at Samantha. Niamh is in the sing-off. Jessie could still be Nancy, and looks like she's about to vomit. So it's a Rachel-Niamh sing-off, and if it were down to viewer votes alone, Niamh would be on her bike. The song they must perform is Another Suitcase in Another Hall, which ALW says is a very difficult song to sing, and has some of Tim Rice's best lyrics. Thanks for that. I can really see Niamh playing Peron's mistress in Evita, actually. Vocally I think she's better than Rachel, but acting-wise I'm not sure there's a great deal between them - just a lot of arm-flailing, as far as I can see.
Denise is crying, because she has taken on the mantle of Karen Barber. ALW gibbers again about it being a difficult song to sing, that he would cast Niamh in Evita, and Rachel "warmed into the song". He says he has to save Rachel, who looks gobsmacked. [Note that as Rachel runs back into the Nancy pen, she is hugged fiercely by Jodie and Pirate Jessie while Sam just kind of stands awkwardly off to one side. Hee. - Steve] Niamh says she is a changed person, and thanks the panel, the production team and the other Nancys (except those bitches who said she wasn't Nancy). ALW says a couple of years to mature is what Niamh needs, and she will be up for a major leading role when she's about 20.
Niamh sings us out, and her sister is bawling in the audience, between bouts of shouting, "Come on, Niamhy!" Jodie is still crying. Niamh is hardcore and tough, as we know, and she is not going to humiliate herself on national television, performing with aplomb, but a little less oomph than I'd have expected. Still, good show.
So our five Nancies are down to the final four. And bitches? Jessie had better fucking go next week. [Ideally, next week Sralan will replace Dame Barry on the panel and fire Rachel too - Louise]